Mirage
by MaryRussellgrl
Summary: Grissom and Sara get together, but are separated. Is love a mirage?


Grissom breathed deeply as his head rested against the headrest in the passenger seat of the Tahoe. I glanced at him before looking out of the window trying to see the road through blankets of rain falling. I sighed sitting back in the seat turning the wheel with every sharp turn. I knew Grissom was exhausted from all the cases we had. We were all tired, but he was the one that stayed up the most.

He moaned moving his head some. I looked at him again wondering what he was dreaming about. He moaned again sounding as if he were in pain. I went into another turn on the road listening to him breathe quickly.

"Nightmare." I said, to myself.

It made me feel closer to him knowing he had them to. This one must have been a bad one. Grissom moved his head to the right swallowing.

"Sara." He said, gently.

I almost went off the road hearing my name. I looked over at him as he moved his head again.

"Oh Sara."

I stopped breathing thinking he was having a sex dream about us. My heart was racing as I realized he thought about me in that way. In the past, he avoided me and when he wanted to see me it was professional only.

"Oh Sara, I love you."

I gasped swerving almost hitting another car. Grissom woke grabbing the dashboard as I stopped the car on the side breathing in and out fast. Grissom looked at me with wide eyes as I looked head.

"Sara, you okay?"

I looked over at him still breathing fast.

"I…think so." I said

He looked around then back at me.

"What happened?"

"I…I don't know." I said

"Why don't you let me drive?"

"Yeah."

I got out feeling the rain drench me as Grissom ran over opening the door getting in as I got in the other side. I looked at him as he turned on the engine getting us on the road. I sat back still shaking as he looked at the road.

"Um…. Grissom?"

"Yes?" He said

"I…was wondering if you would like to grab something to eat before we return to the lab."

"I don't think we will have the time." He said

"What about after?"

He looked at me.

"What do you mean?" He asked

"Just you and me. A dinner."

"I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"Sara, I am your boss."

"So?" I said

"So, it is inappropriate for the boss to see an employee outside of work."

I looked down at my hands. He glanced at me before driving. I looked out the window feeling sad. We got back to the lab and took evidence. I watched him walk away talking on his phone after that. I went on break. Going to my car I got out a beer I had stashed in the back. I sat in the car drinking it then I popped a cough drop walking back inside. Grissom came back from where ever he was to work. He looked at me as he slapped on some gloves. I didn't even acknowledge him as I looked at a shirt on myside of the table. He got out a screwdriver from an evidence bag.

"Find anything?" He asked

"No." I said, reaching into my pocket for another cough drop. I popped it in my mouth throwing the wrapping away. I glanced up at Grissom who was watching me again. "What?"

"Do you have a cold?"

"My throat hurts."

"Why?" He asked, firmly.

"I don't know."

"Sara." He said, his phone went off.

I watched him sigh picking it up putting it to his ear.

"Grissom." He said, looking at me "I'll be right there."

I watched him put his phone away then he looked at me.

"I have to go, but I will be back and we can talk about your sore throat."

"Grissom, it's not a big deal."

"Stop it!" He said "Just stop it!"

I watched him go shaking his head as he left. I didn't see him again after that until at the end of shift. He was talking to Ecklie in the hallway by the front desk as I walked past not even making eye contact. Once outside I thought I was in the clear going to my car.

"Sara?" Grissom called, walking over. I turned around that the curb looking at him.

"What now?" I asked, annoyed.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Go ahead." I said, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Your putting your defense shield up."

"Yeah, I am."

"Sara, I want to talk to you in my office."

"I am leaving."

"This won't take long." He said

I felt his hand on my arm leading me to the building. We got to his office and he motioned me to sit down in a chair. I sat down watching him turn off his phone putting it on his desk then he sat in a chair in front of me rubbing his hands together.

"How are you, Sara?"

"Is this it?" I asked

"No, I am just worried about you."

"Why?"

"I think we both know why."

He looked me in the eye.

"No, I don't."

"I know your drinking again."

"I am not drinking again."

"Your lying to me."

I shook my head looking to the side. He just sat still looking at me.

"What is going on?" He asked "Is this about me?"

I continued to look down.

"Sara?"

"I heard you."

"Heard me what?"

I looked at him.

"I heard you say I love you."

"When?" He asked, looking confused.

"You were in the car asleep and you said I love you, Sara."

He looked at me thinking.

"I don't remember that."

"I am sure you don't." I said

"I don't, Sara."

I shook my head looking to the side.

"Are we done?" I asked

"No, we are not." He said "I am very worried about you. You have been sad lately and irritable. You need to eat and rest. That needs to be a priority. You also need to stop drinking. I don't want to have to talk to you again about this."

"Can I go now?"

"Yes, you can go." He said, looking down.

I got up walking out shutting the door loudly. He looked at the door then down at the floor. I went home turning on my stereo getting a beer. The next shift I came out of the women's bathroom after being sick. I walked to the lab seeing Grissom already pouring into evidence. I walked in quietly to stand on the other side looking at the things on the table. Grissom never spoke as he concentrated on something. I snapped on my gloves to begin work. Grissom sniffed the air.

"Did you just throw up?"

"Yes." I said

"Do you need to go home?"

"Grissom, I am fine." I said

He nodded watching me. I stood back up holding onto the table while I breathed through my mouth.

"Sara?"

I tried to stop feeling sick thinking about something else. I didn't notice Grissom coming over from the other side. He caught me as I fell towards him. He lowered me to the floor as he leaned me back against him.

"Sara, take some deep breaths!" He said

I tried to, but the vile came up and I leaned over to the side letting it all go. Grissom pulled me back up and I laid heavily against him not caring anymore. He spoke to me, but I didn't hear him.

I felt him pick me up taking me out of the room. People talked all around him as I put my hands to my ears. He gently laid me against his office couch smoothing back my sweaty hair as I moved around winching as my stomach hurt.

"Mmm." I moaned, moving.

He went to get something then he came back giving me a pill and some water. I laid back moving more as he tried to calm me down. He got his phone out as he tried to make me stay in one position. I moved to my side not facing him stilling as I moaned.

"Greg, I need you and Nick to take over my case." He said "I'll explain later."

He ended the call setting his phone down then he leaned over me smoothing back my hair.

"Mmmmm." I moaned, moving to my back winching in pain again.

"Ssh." He said

I did eventually stop and went to a deep sleep. Grissom watched me breathe in and out slowly after he came back from talking to Nick and Greg. He could not stop touching my cheek and head. His feelings were out where anyone could see them. He didn't care.

He leaned over gently kissing my head then he moved back seeing me move. I opened my eyes slowly seeing him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" He asked

"Grissom?"

"What?"

"I think I am dying."

"You are not dying, Sara." He said, rubbing my hand.

I looked around his office then at him.

"Honey, you are not dying." He said, forgetting himself.

"You called me honey." I said

"I am worried about you."

I winched touching my stomach again.

"I don't want to die." I said, my voice breaking.

He gently lifted me up so he could hold me against him. I moaned in pain then I let myself lay against him.

"You are not dying. I won't let you."

I sniffed feeling tears go down my cheeks. Closing my eyes, I tried not to think about the pain I was experiencing. A knock at the door made us jump. Grissom lowered me back down and then went to get it. I watched him open the door looking out. Doctor Robbins came in seeing me.

"I heard you were sick."

"Yes." I said

He took a chair beside the couch as Grissom stood back watching. I felt my wrist being touched as Robbins looked at his watch.

"It's really strange to examine someone with a pulse."

I nodded sniffing.

He glanced at me before looking at his watch.

"Your pulse is racing." He said, reaching over to feel my neck. "Are you taking anything?"

"No."

He then felt my stomach and I screamed out moving almost throwing up again. He laid me back down feeling my head.

"I'm going to throw up!" I said

Grissom got his trash can putting it below me just in time. I threw up causing both men to back up. When I was done, I was put back on the couch sweating and breathing fast. I could faintly hear voices then hands touched me again. I faded away.

"Gil, she is defiantly malnourished and not sleeping. There is something else that may be the cause. When she threw up I got a strong whiff of alcohol."

Grissom sighed looking at me.

"You have to talk to her."

"I plan to."

"Call me if you need me again."

"I will, thank you."

He let the man out closing the door looking at me. I was asleep along time. When I woke, I was home in my bed. The sun was out. Grissom came in seeing me trying to sit up.

"Keep down." He said, sitting on the bed.

"How did I get here?" I asked, laying back.

"I brought you."

"You stayed here?" I asked, taking a breath.

"I had other people watch you when I had to leave." He said, touching my head. He dropped his hand as I moved to the night table drawer. He watched me take out a pill bottle and open them. "Sara, what is that?"

"There my medication for my back."

"I didn't know you did."

"I did when I was younger."

He took them from me looking at the bottle.

"These pills are very addictive. How many do you take?"

"Two a day." I said, trying to grab them. He pulled them out of my reach.

"Sara, these pills have many side effects."

"Give them to me!"

"No." He said, holding his hand out of reach. I watched him bring his hand back to look at the bottle again. "Do not take with alcohol."

He looked at me as I looked at him.

"Oops."

"Sara, do you know what can happen with these pills in your system? You could die from heart failure!"

"I don't take that many just two a…"

"Day, yes I know, but you have taken them for years. Your addicted."

I tried to sit up as he stood looking at me.

"Grissom, please I need to take them for my back!"

"No, this stops now!" He said, walking out of the room. I tried to get out of bed, but it was to much for me.

I went to sleep feeling a cramp in my stomach. I moved moaning then I felt vile come up throwing up on the bed. Someone came in helping me to sit up. I weakly touched their arm.

"Please, give me….my pills." I said, opening and closing my eyes. I was picked up taken somewhere and left.

A blanket came over me as I moved shaking covered in sweat.

Hours went by as Catherine opened the door seeing Grissom.

"Hey, how are things going?" He asked, as she shut the door.

"Warrick said she threw up on the bed. He moved her on the couch."

He nodded walking over seeing me sleeping with a thick blanket covering me.

"She's been sleeping since."

"You look all in. I'll take it from here." Grissom said

Catherine nodded leaving then Grissom walked over sitting on the couch touching my head and cheek. He then touched my wrist counting the beats. I moved my head slowly.

"Sara?" He said, moving the blanket so he could see me. I moved my head to the side stilling. He watched me rubbing my hand. Getting up he went to the kitchen then he came back sitting in the chair next to the couch putting his feet on the coffee table closing his eyes.

Grissom snored gently an hour later as I moved seeing him. I watched his chest rise and fall. His head was back with his mouth open a little. I slowly tried to get up then I leaned over the coffee table holding onto it as I tried to stand up. Pushing myself up was hard but I managed to stand wavering some. Taking a breath, I walked around the table slowly looking at the bedroom door. That was my target. Halfway there I felt my strength go and I fell to the floor. Grissom woke with a start looking over at the couch then he looked over seeing me lying on my stomach still on the floor.

"Sara!" He said, getting up kneeling down pulling me up against him. My eyes were closed and my color was bad. He smoothed back my hair patting my cheek gently. "Come on, wake up!"

I slowly opened my eyes looking up at him.

"Gris?"

"Can you hear me?"

"Gris?" I said, closing and opening my eyes.

"Yes?"

"I love you." I said, before closing my eyes leaning my head against his chest. He pulled me closer to his chest not caring about personal space. He was very worried about me. When he felt worried he didn't care about anything but his love for me.

I felt him kiss my head and my heart started to beat faster.

"Sara, you're going to be all right."

I felt like I was drifting back into darkness.

"I love you to." He said, against my head.

Somehow Grissom returned me to the couch then he laid down beside me touching my face watching me. Eventually he went to sleep. His phone went off making him move out of the warm place he was in. He moved putting his arm around my stomach hearing the phone stop.

It started up again this time I moved to face him as he slowly reached for his phone on the coffee table.

"Grissom." He answered

"Where are you?" Catherine asked

"What time is it?"

"Five- thirty! You have a meeting with Ecklie at seven."

"I am at Sara's"

"Still?"

"She was having a bad time. I'll be at the office soon."

"Okay, I want to talk to you to."

"Bye." Grissom said, putting down his phone sighing as he moved his head kissing mine. "I have to go."

I moved holding onto his shirt. He smoothed back my hair looking at me.

"Will you be all right?"

He watched me move closer to him. He kissed my head again then started to get up. I felt his warmth go away.

He was hesitant about leaving me, but his job came first again.

He arrived at work half an hour later after a shower and change of clothes. Catherine stood frowning at him at the main desk.

"Something on your mind?" He asked, getting his mail from Judy at the desk then walking past.

"I think you know what I am frowning about. You and Sara." She said, closing his office door. "Gil, you know how vulnerable she is."

He put his mail down on the desk looking at her.

"What are you saying?"

"I am saying don't start something that you can't finish." She said

He walked over to the front of his desk leaning against it looking at her.

"I am not doing anything, Catherine. I care for my staff that is all."

"You wouldn't be paying special attention to Sara because you love her, are you?" Catherine asked

"No."

"Just Becareful."

He nodded understanding she was just looking out for him. He watched her go then he stood there thinking.

He went to his meeting with Ecklie thinking about me as he sat there half listening. After work he decided to see me. He opened the door looking around.

"Sara?"

He walked into the living room not seeing me. He walked into the bedroom.

"Sara?"

I came out of the bedroom white as a sheet looking at him. He walked over touching my cheek. I closed my eyes when he touched me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better." I said, weakly.

I opened my eyes looking at him. He dropped his hand looking at me.

"Good."

"Grissom, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I am just glad your all right. You worried me."

I watched him walk back out the living room. I came out seeing him sitting on the chair.

"What's happening?"

"Sara, I made a mistake. I can't do this anymore." He said

I looked at him in shock. He stood facing me.

"I signed a form that will move you to day shift starting Monday."

"W…What?"

"I am sorry. I never meant this to happen."

He walked out leaving me. I stood there in shock.

Monday I came to work and it was very hard to be there with strangers. I did a solo case then I came back to the lab. My heart was breaking every step I took. At the end of shift I went to the locker room. I sat down on one of the benches crying. I didn't even look up as someone came in. I could hear movement as I wiped my eyes holding my head with my hands.

I stood up wiping my eyes as I looked down. I looked over seeing Grissom closing his locker looking over at me. I looked at him then I went past him leaving quickly. I walked down the hallway feeling someone behind me. I went to the front door rushing out going to my car. Someone took my arm. I turned seeing Grissom. I looked at the hand on my arm then at him. He stepped closer reaching up to touch face, but stopped. I felt some tears come down my cheek. He let his hand touch my chin sliding it up to my cheek then back to my lips. I could see in his eyes as he looked at his finger tracing my lips.

He dropped his fingers searching my eyes. I looked at his lips. He let my arm go stepping back still not speaking. I moved closer to him watching for any resistance. He never moved as I moved in gently touching his lips with my own. I moved back opening my eyes looking into his. He gave me a small nod as I moved in again. This time I kissed him with more feeling. He tilted his head touching both my arms with his hands. I moved my hands to his waist. I realized where we were and I moved back looking at him. He searched my eyes sliding his hands to my cheeks.

"Sara."

"I can't help that I love you." I said, quietly.

"I know."

"It's okay if you don't. I just wanted you to know that."

"Sara, I do love you to, but I am thinking about our jobs."

I touched his hands.

"Can you come home with me?"

"I was going to have you come with me."

"Okay." I said

He smiled taking my hand leading me to his car. When we got to his place he kissed me taking me to his bedroom. I never felt such peace before as he touched me. He stopped moving at one point looking down at me. I reached up touching his face as he kissed my palm moving again.

He watched me sleep after he woke up early in the morning. His fingers went up and down my arm. It was almost time for me to get up. Grissom sighed moving over kissing my head. I moaned moving closer to him. He moved hair back looking at my sleeping face.

"Sara?" He said, gently.

"Hmm?"

"It's time to get up."

I moved putting my arm over his waist. He touched my cheek moving his finger up and down. I itched it causing him to chuckle.

"Can't I call in sick?"

"No, you need to go to work."

I groaned moving to sit up on the other side. I pulled the blue sheet up to cover my front. I turned seeing he was admiring my back as he laid on his side still. He smiled at me as I smiled back standing pulling the sheet with me. He tried to pull it back, but I was to fast.

I took a shower in this bathroom and then I dressed in my clothes coming out to see that he was missing. I walked out of the bedroom seeing him standing in his pajamas with his hair messed reading a paper. I made a sound making him look over.

"What?"

"You look so cute." I said

He looked down at himself then at me. I kissed him then I walked to the front door.

"Want me to drive you?"

"Nah." I said, giving him a once over then leaving.

Grissom smiled watching me go. His phone went off in the bedroom and he went to get it.

"Gil, it's Conrad. I want to see you when you come to work. There is something big happening and we need your help."

"What is it?" Grissom asked

"We can talk about it here."

Ecklie hung up the phone as Grissom curiously wondered what was going on.

I went home to change then I went to work. All shift I was so happy. At last everything made sense.

I walked down the hallway seeing a man arguing with Judy the front desk receptionist. She looked almost scared of the man as he yelled at her.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" I asked

Judy looked relieved as I came over. The man smelled and his clothes were dirty and sweat stained. Once he saw me there was no holding back. He pulled out his gun pointing it at my head. I froze as Judy cried out getting the phone.

"Put it down!" He yelled

I looked at Judy nodding to her and she slowly put it down looking at him.

"Come over here!" He said

Judy walked over shaking as the man pushed her over to me.

"Walk!"

"What do you want?" I asked

"Walk!" He shouted, cocking his gun.

Judy began to cry gently as I pulled her in front of me walking.

"Wait!" He called, reaching over grabbing my gun at my side. I watched him motion with his gun. "Go."

Judy walked ahead of me looking to the side some to see the lab Technicon's looking out in surprise. The man looked at the conference room motioning us to go inside. Judy and I were pushed in as he got something to lock the door.

"Get down on the floor!" He shouted

Judy went to the floor sitting against the wall crying as I stood thinking.

"I said get on the floor!" He shouted, holding his gun level with my head.

"You're not getting away with this!"

He walked over pressing the gun to my head.

"Sit down!"

I looked at him in the eyes seeing the anger. I was scared to, but I was also mad. I squeezed my fist looking at him.

I went for it kicking him moving my head away from the gun. Judy screamed scrambling to get out of the way. I was to slow as he put the butt of the gun straight down on my head. I fell to the ground faintly feeling him kick me as he breathed in and out. Judy looked at me then at him scared.

Grissom sat in front Ecklie's desk thinking about the situation.

"Do you want to do it?" Ecklie asked

"You want me to be dead then come back. Does anyone else know?"

"Brass knows about it. Catherine will be told after." He said "What do you think?"

Grissom rubbed his head sighing.

"All right, when do I expire?"

"We think today would be a good day. Everything has been arranged. You will be given a new identity. You can't have any contact with loved ones and we will notify you when it is safe to come back."

"How long will that be?" Grissom asked

"I can't say."

Grissom sighed hearing a knock that the door. Brass opened the door looking at them.

"We have an intruder holding Sara and Judy hostage in the conference room. He has a gun and is asking that we give him a car."

"What?!" Grissom said, standing.

"Come on!" Brass said

Ecklie and Grissom both went out following him to the crowd starting outside of the conference room.

"Meet Bob Ettings, he apparently blames us for his brother's death." Brass said "He is refusing to come out."

"Where is Sara?"

"She's lying on the floor behind him. Hurt bad." Brass said, looking at Grissom.

Grissom flexed his jaw looking in at the man. He then took Brass's phone dialing the man.

"What are you doing, Gil?" Brass asked

"You get my car yet?" The man asked

"Bob, my name is Gil Grissom. I am with the crime lab. I want to come in." Grissom said

Bob looked out seeing him.

"What do you want?"

"I want to help you. Let me in."

"No."

"Look, I want to check on Sara and Judy. I am much more valuable. Let me come in with a first aid kit and some water."

The man looked out at him.

"Leave your gun." He said

"Okay."

The man watched him as he ended the call. Brass watched Grissom hand him his gun.

"Gil, think about this."

"I am thinking. If Sara is hurt she needs attention."

"Gil, this might be a good opportunity for the final curtain." Ecklie said

"I need to see about Sara first."

Brass sighed taking the gun then he called for water and a first aid kit. Grissom slowly walked to the door holding the supplies. The man opened the door allowing him inside. He reached over taking Grissom's cell phone. Grissom looked over at Judy shaking on the floor as I laid moving my head around moaning a little.

Grissom looked at Bob who was moving his hand through his hair looking at me. Grissom put the water down on the table walking over to Judy.

"You okay?"

She grabbed his hand crying.

"I…I'm scared. I don't want to die."

"It's going to be okay." He said, glancing back at Bob. "I won't allow anything to happen to you."

"Sara's hurt." She said

"I am going to look at her. Here's some water." He said

She took it nodding to him. Grissom turned moving to me. He touched my cheek feeling my pulse. As I moved my head he saw some blood on the floor. He put on gloves moving me to my side using his flashlight to see the wound.

"Are you a doctor?" Bob asked

"Yes, but not a medical doctor. I have a Ph.D. in biology." He said, as he looked at me.

"Are you the guy who runs this place?"

"One of them." He said, taking out some peroxide and a cotton ball. I moaned moving over to my side getting up throwing up. Grissom pulled me back as I stopped. Judy tried to hold in a scared cry as she covered her mouth.

I opened my eyes slowly seeing Grissom looking down at me.

"Sara?"

I lifted my hand then let it fall as I closed my eyes.

"Bob, she needs medical attention."

"No, she stays here!" He said

"I can't give her the care that she needs here!" Grissom said

"She stays!" Bob said

Grissom sighed looking down at me. He watched me relax into sleep again.

I moved later sensing my head was wrapped in a bandage. Grissom lifted my head to drink some water. I licked my dry lips blinking up at him feeling his hand cup my cheek.

"Hey." He said, gently.

"Where are we?"

"Same place." He said, looking behind him at Bob who was standing at the door.

I looked at him as he searched my eyes.

"Do you think we will get out of this?" I asked

"I think we will."

I touched his hand on my cheek.

"I am glad you're here." I said

"Hey, that Brass guy wants to talk to you." Bob said, handing him the phone. Grissom put it to his ear standing.

"Gil, are you all right?" He asked

"Yes, Sara is hurt."

"Maybe you can work on Bob."

"I plan to." Grissom said, looking at the other man. Bob grabbed the phone looking at Grissom.

"What is he planning on doing?!"

Grissom looked back at Judy and at me.

The younger man listened to Brass on the other line.

"I can do better than that!" He shouted, lifting his gun shooting at Grissom. Brass looked at the door freezing as his friend fell out of sight. People outside gasped crying out. "Did you see that?!"

"You better not have hurt him!" Brass said

"You said you'd get me a ride! That has not happened yet!"

"I need more time!" Brass said

"I will shoot again if I have to! Get me the car!"

I cried out as Grissom laid beside me still. I slowly moved to him seeing that the bullet just grazed his temple.

"You shot him!" I cried

"Shut up!"

Judy sobbed holding herself. I moved to sit up even though I was dizzy and looked at Grissom. His eyes were shut and he was breathing. I looked over at Bob as he was busy looking outside the window. I was mad. I looked over at Judy motioning her to be quiet as I slowly got up getting book from the shelf at my left. I almost fell, but I managed to hold myself up. I walked over to Bob who was engrossed in what was happening outside. With the last bit of strength that I had I hit him.

Brass watched me come towards Bob.

"No Sara, don't…!"

He watched Bob fall to the ground and I hit him over and over until there was nothing left. I fell to the floor hearing constant knocking at the door. I reached up unlocking it then I fell over.

I moved later feeling someone touching my arm. I thought it was Grissom by the feel. I opened my eyes seeing it was Catherine looking as if she had been crying.

"Hey." She said "Glad to see your awake."

"What's happened?"

She looked down still touching my arm.

"Sara, Grissom had a heart attack."

I gasped fully awake wanting to get out of bed.

"Stay still." She said

"Is he alright?" I asked

She looked down again.

"What?" I asked, not wanting to know.

"He didn't make it."

I laid back looking at her. She let some tears come down her cheek.

"I'm sorry."

The door came open as Brass came in looking equally as devastated.

"You told her?"

"Yes." She said, moving as Brass took her place. He leaned over hugging me as I shook not believing it.

Everyone was reeling from the news. I cried every single day not letting anyone comfort me. The day of the funeral I walked into the church alone where Grissom's black casket was put.

"Grissom?" I said, feeling myself breaking down. "Grissom!"

I fell down crying on the floor. Brass ran up seeing me. He knelt down helping me to sit up holding me.

"Make him wake up!" I said "Get him out of there!"

"I can't, honey." He said

I sobbed louder against him. He buried his face in my hair. That evening I came home numb from the events of the day. I walked over to my couch collapsing on it crying myself to sleep. A knock in the morning woke me. I slowly walked to the door opening it seeing Brass dressed for work.

"Hey, I wanted to see if you were okay."

I opened the door for him to come in then I closed the door. He looked at my wrinkled black dress and my paleness as I walked over hugging him. He hugged me back rubbing my back.

"I can't believe he's…gone." I said

"I know, I found myself calling him this morning."

"How am I going to go on?" I asked

"You will, Sara. We all will."

I sniffed against his shoulder. He moved back touching my cheek.

"That's what he wanted us to do."

"I guess." I said, wiping my eyes.

"Why don't we go to that diner?"

"No, you go. I just want to sleep."

"Will you be all right?"

I nodded looking at him. He nodded going back to the door. I looked around as he left then I walked to the bedroom.

Grissom walked into the bedroom sitting down on the bed leaning over me.

"Sara?"

I moved my head against the pillow opening my eyes seeing him.

"Grissom."

He smiled leaning over kissing me slowly. He pulled me up sitting against him as he kissed me. I moaned opening my eyes looking around my empty bedroom. I sighed rubbing my head.

I came to work the next day feeling the loss in the building. Even the day shift staff were quiet. Shift ended and I saw Ecklie walking about with a man I had never seen before. He saw me walking by them.

"Sara, this is the new night supervisor, D.B. Russell."

I looked at Ecklie.

"You don't waste any time, do you?" I said, walking past.

Ecklie watched me go as D.B.

"Don't worry about her. She and Gil were good friends." Ecklie said

D.B. still looked in the direction I went as Ecklie moved on. I went home having the same dream as before. I came to work early. At break, I saw Russell again walking into the breakroom seeing me sitting on the couch rubbing my head.

"Hey." He said

I didn't acknowledge him as he got some coffee then he walked over sitting down on the coffee table in front of me. He took a drink then he set the cup down on the table beside him.

"So how are you doing?"

I stopped rubbing my head looking at him.

"I know what you're going through."

"Do you?" I asked

"I do, I had a girl in high school I like and….."

I stood up walking to the door.

"Sara wait!"

He walked over to me looking concerned.

"I know how much pain you're in. I want to help you."

"You don't even know me."

"I can bring you back to nights and then we can talk."

"No." I said, leaving. He watched me go sadly.

Brass walked over to me as I stood at the curb outside looking up at the stars.

"What are you doing?" He asked

I looked at him then down.

"I was thinking about Grissom."

"Me to." He said "Have you met his replacement?"

I sighed nodding.

"He seems nice."

"I don't want to have anything to do with him."

Russell came out seeing us. I saw him looking over at us and I walked away. Brass looked back seeing Russell walk over joining him.

"Hello Captain."

"Hello."

"Do you know Sara well?"

"Yes, I do."

"I am worried about her."

"Grissom was the love of her life." Brass said

"They were…together?"

Brass nodded.

"Who else knew?"

"No one…..except me and Catherine."

"Oh."

"If you want to have Sara trust you it's going to take some time."

"Can you give me some pointers?" Russell asked

"Yes."

I came to work the next morning looking miserable from crying all night. Brass walked into the lab I was in.

"You okay?" He asked

"Yeah, what did you need?" I asked, looking at him.

He came closer touching my cheek. I moved my face away looking down.

"You don't look well."

"I couldn't sleep last night."

"You're getting sick."

"I'll be fine." I said

He watched me go back to work.

"I wanted as ask you if you could help me with something, but I'll get someone else."

I nodded watching him leave.

Russell came in seeking me out. He came into the locker room seeing me lying on a bench with my eyes closed. He walked over looking down at me a moment then he leaned over touching my limp arm hanging off the bench.

"Sara?"

I didn't move. He reached over touching my neck. I jumped making him jump back.

"What are you doing?!" I asked

"I wanted to see if you were okay."

I stood breathing in and out fast.

"Want to get something to eat?" He asked

"No." I said

"My treat." He said

I looked at him.

"Please Sara?"

I slowly nodded making him smile. He drove down the street to the diner. We stopped in front of it and I looked down.

"Can we go somewhere else?"

"Why?"

"I can't eat here." I said

"Oh, I see." He said "Okay."

We drove to another down the other way. We sat in a booth and ordered food.

"How is the case going?" He asked

"Fine." I said

"I talked to your supervisor and he agreed to have you come back to night shift."

"I don't want to."

"Sara, I need you."

I looked down swallowing.

"You are the best in the field."

"Grissom used to say that." I said "He used to say I need you."

Russell looked at me sadly as I wiped my eyes.

"I miss him." I said, my voice breaking. Russell moved over to sit next to me putting his arm around my shoulders. I leaned over to his chest crying against him softly. It wore me out.

He helped me back to the car then he got in watching me lay my head against the glass sleeping. We got back to the lab and he touched my hand in my lap.

"Sara?"

"Hmm?"

He watched me lift my head blinking at him.

"We are back at the lab."

I looked around seeing it was true. I got out wavering a little. Russell walked over looking at me with concern.

"Are you okay to walk?"

I nodded walking forwards. My head was swimming. He helped me onto the curb. Brass had just parked his car a few spaces over seeing us.

"Hey, you two." He said

I started to fall and he and Russell caught me.

"Woah!" Brass said

Russell pulled me up feeling my head land on his arm.

"You all right?" Brass asked

"Let's get her inside."

Brass nodded putting his arm around my waist helping Russell walk me into the building. I was laid out on the couch in Russell's office. Brass sat down touching my neck and touching my head.

"Sara?" He said, gently.

I moved my head to the side breathing in and out.

"Grissom…. Grissom." I said

Russell sighed looking down as he shook his head.

"Honey, wake up."

I moved my head again opening my eyes seeing him.

"Hey." He said

"Where is…Grissom?"

Brass looked at Russell and then at me.

"Sara, he's not here."

I looked at him remembering.

"Oh."

His hand went to my cheek moving my hair back.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"Sara, why don't you get some rest while I talk to Brass outside?"

Brass looked at him then at me.

"Okay." I said, moving to my side closing my eyes. Brass got up walking out as Russell followed. Brass rubbed his head as he walked out turning to face Russell.

"What should I do?" Russell asked

"You know, before Grissom died he grabbed my arm making me promise to take care of her. I told him that I would, but I am at a loss."

"I feel so helpless." Russell said

"I will take her back to my place. I can watch her there after work."

"Okay."

Sometime later I was aware of someone carrying me then I was in a bed. I moved feeling warm. When I opened my eyes, I saw Brass standing by the bed with a black mug of coffee.

I sat up looking around seeing I was at his place.

"Good morning." He said, handing me the cup.

"How did I get here?"

"It wasn't easy." He said, sitting on the bed watching me drink from the mug winching a little.

"This is good."

He nodded.

"Sara, I want you to know something. I told Grissom that I would look after you."

"You were is best friend." I said

"You are like a daughter to me and I am going to work on helping you get through this."

I reached over touching his hand. He touched mine then he stood.

"I talked to your supervisor and he has agreed that you need rest. So, you are off for a few days."

"Can you drive me home?"

"I want you to stay here."

"Thank's for the offer, but I should get home." I said, standing looking down at myself seeing I was wearing some large pajamas.

"Catherine helped change your clothes." He said

"Oh." I said

"I can take you home." He said

I nodded looking down at my clothes then at him. He smiled looking at me then he left. I changed being dropped off by Brass. I walked up the apartment waving at him as he pulled out. I turned seeing Russell waiting down the hallway at my door. He stood looking tired in his work clothes.

"Why are you here?" I asked

"I wanted to check on you." He said

"What do you want, Russell?"

"I want you to come back to night's."

I sighed looking down.

"Ecklie told me that you are feisty and a trouble maker. I didn't see that when I met you. I saw a hardworking and determined woman."

"You must want me bad." I said, almost laughing.

"I do." He said

I scratched my head then I looked at him.

"Leaving my work history aside don't you think it would be hard for me to adjust since Grissom?"

"I understand that, but it's either now or never."

"You could have just signed the form and then told me."

"I want you to tell me."

I looked down thinking about it.

"Fine."

"Is that a yes?"

I looked at him.

"Yes."

He nodded as I went to unlock my door. I went in allowing him in. He shut the door looking around.

"Nice place."

I smiled a little looking around.

"It's home."

He nodded walking in further stopping at a picture of Grissom and I in the living room. He stepped closer seeing us smiling at each other outside somewhere.

"That was our last photo together." I said, looking at it beside him.

"You look happy." He said

"Yeah, but it wasn't real." I said, walking over to the chair sitting down.

He turned looking at me.

"You know, it's as if he were in the room."

"I know, I feel it all the time." I said

"Must be difficult for you to come back here every day." He said, coming over to sit on the couch.

"Yes, but it is my home."

"This place holds to many memories for you."

"I want to hold onto him."

"You really loved him, didn't you?"

"I wanted to get married." I said, looking down. "I thought he would ask me."

"You and he had just gotten together."

"Yes, but we both knew each other for many years. Want to see something?"

"Okay." He said

I got up walking into the bedroom coming back with a black box. He watched me open it seeing a diamond ring.

"He had bought this to give to me. Brass gave it to me."

"Sara, I am so sorry." He said

"I put it on sometimes."

He looked at me sadly. I looked at him then I closed the box leaving it alone.

"Sara, I never understood a person until I talked to you now. I see who you are."

"I'm not anyone special."

He grabbed my hand.

"Don't ever say that. You are special. Grissom saw that and I do to."

I searched his eyes as he did mine. He left me soon after. I laid in bed staring at ring on my finger. I looked at the side Grissom laid on imagining him looking at me.

"Grissom, I have the ring." I said, out loud.

I blinked not seeing him anymore. I closed my eyes feeling my heart hurting. Russell met me at the door on my first evening shift a few days later. I felt his hand come to my back walking me to his office. I entered taking a breath looking around seeing it was different from Grissom's.

"You'll be working with me." He said, getting a paper from his desk.

"Okay."

He smiled at me going out. He opened the door of the Tahoe for me noticing the ring on my finger. He took my hand raising it up so we both looked at it.

"Why are you wearing this?"

I looked at it then at him.

"I want to."

"I don't think this is healthy."

"It's not your decision."

He watched me get in looking at him. He shut the door then got in the other side starting the engine. I looked at my ring then I looked outside the window. Russell glanced at me then he looked ahead.

We went to the scene where a woman was killed in an abandoned house in a bad part of town. We got back into the car later and Russell sat back in his seat looking at me.

"Sara, I know you think wearing that ring will make you feel better, but you're not moving on."

I looked at him.

"He's near me all the time now."

"Sara, you have to think about the future."

"My future is here!" I said, raising my hand. He sighed looking at me.

"Honey, it does not work that way."

"Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Because I care."

I looked down at my ring. He watched me slowly remove it then put it away. I looked out the window as he turned on the engine leaving. After work I went home and got a box putting everything that Grissom ever gave me. The picture on the wall was the last thing. I took it off the wall then I put it back looking at it.

"I love you." I said

That night I moved in bed hearing my name being called. I opened my eyes seeing a figure leaning over me. I jumped turning on my light seeing Grissom sitting there.

"How's it going?" He asked

"That's what you ask?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked

"No, I am not okay."

"You look pale." He said, searching my face.

"Grissom, why did you have to die?"

"It was my time." He said, shrugging his shoulders. "I miss you."

"I miss you to." I said

He leaned forwards as I did almost touching our lips. I opened my eyes and he was gone. I looked around realizing it was just a dream.

The next shift I came in an hour early walking to the station to see Brass. He was just coming out of his office as I came over.

"Can we talk?"

He looked at his watch then he opened his door to me. I came in sitting down in a chair in front of his desk. He sat near me in another chair.

"I am having dreams about Grissom."

"What kind of dreams?"

"He's sitting on the bed talking to me."

He nodded.

"About what?"

"He tells me he misses me and I say the same."

"How do you feel about that?"

I looked at him then down.

"I don't know. How am I going to move on if….he keeps coming back?" I asked

He reached over taking my hand.

"Sara, you will. It just means you're thinking about him a lot."

I rested my head against the palm of my left hand as he rubbed my right. I tried to stop thinking about him as much. Somehow I got through another month. Cases were getting heavier and I could sleep at night because I was so exhausted.

One night I walked down the hallway stopping as I saw a man standing in the hallway looking around. His profile struck me and I stopped staring at him.

"Sara, you're here early." Russell said, walking from behind me. He noticed my expression then he looked over seeing the same man.

"Grissom!" I said, taking a step forwards.

"Wait!" Russell said "Stay here."

I watched Russell slowly walk over to where the man stood.

"Can I help you?" He asked, walking over to the man.

I watched them talk unable to wait I walked over staring at this man. He looked over at me as I came closer.

"Hello." He said

"This is Sara Sidle, one of my best CSI's."

He looked at me and I knew. I knew it was Grissom.

"Nice to meet you." The man said

I didn't say a thing as I continued to look at him.

"I came because there were a few things to pick up out of Grissoms"

"Oh, there in my office closet." Russell said

"I'll come with you." He said, looking at me "It was a pleasure to meet you."

"Do you have to go right away?" I asked

He looked at Russell then at me.

"Ah…..not right away."

"Sara, I am sure he has other things to attend to."

I looked at Russell as he motioned him to follow. I watched him go then I stood there waiting.

"Sorry about that." Russell said, as he opened his office door.

"Sara Sidle, isn't that Gil's ah?"

"Yes."

"Oh, well I can stay and talk to her."

"It would be best if you just went after this. Talking to her would just add to her pain."

The man nodded understanding. They came out eventually carrying two boxes. I followed them out to the cars. Russell talked to him then he walked over to where I was.

"He can't talk long." Russell said, before leaving.

I nodded watching this man walk over. I stood higher than him as I stood on the curb. He looked at me waiting.

"So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

I slowly lifted my hand to his cheek running my fingers against his skin. He watched me curiously.

"Is it you?"

"Sara." He said, whispering.

I stepped down so I was level with him. He watched me lean forwards catching his lips. He put his hands on my waist kissing me back. I moved back breathing in and out as he searched my eyes.

"Grissom."

He looked around then he pulled me to his Excursion. He opened the back pushing me in then he got in closing the door. He sat on the floor as I did pulling me to him. Our lips crashed together making me moan. He held me with his arms. He moved back breathing fast as I did.

"How…is this possible?" I asked

"It's a long story." He said, pulling me back to kiss him. He moved his lips to my neck laying me down on the floor. I gave into the emotions I was feeling. He moved off me a few minutes later relaxed. I moved closer to him.

I closed my eyes as he caressed my arm.

"Jim and Ecklie wanted me to go undercover. I faked my death and went to the bad part of town. I wanted to call you, but the job needed to be finished."

I put my arm around him.

"Jim sent me updates about you. I was worried about you."

He kissed my head gently as my cell phone started to ring. I slowly got it looking at it then I laid back closing my eyes.

"Who is that?"

"Russell." I said

"You better go."

"I am staying here with you." I said

He moved my hair back as I opened my eyes looking up at him.

"I will be back. In the meantime, go and work."

"Grissom."

"Honey, it's okay." He said "I am not going anywhere."

I pulled him down kissing him again then I got dressed leaving. Russell watched me come into his office seeing him at his desk.

"You okay?" He asked

"I am now."

He nodded watching me walk out.

Grissom came back the next day and secretly went to Ecklie's office to speak to him. I waited for him at the hallway vending machine on my break. He came out shaking Ecklie's hand then he walked over seeing me peeking out at him. He walked over stepping into my personal space as I backed against the wall.

"What are you doing?" I asked

"I will be coming back to work."

"Russell has your job." I said, looking at his lips.

"I am getting a new office. I will be sharing the work load as night supervisor with Catherine and Russell."

I kissed him slowly hearing someone walking by.

"Kissing is not allowed in the building." Catherine said, walking past.

"Mmmmm." Grissom moaned annoyed.

"Good to see you alive, Gil." Catherine said

"Mmm."

He waved her away as he continued to kiss me. I put my arms around his neck holding him in place.

"Woah, didn't see you two there." Russell said

Grissom and I moved apart looking at him. He smiled shaking Grissom's hand.

"Glad to see you back."

"Thank you."

"When do you start?"

"Next week." Grissom said, looking over at me. I touched his hand. "I do have to go talk to Brass."

"We will be seeing you. Sara, can you come with me?"

"Okay."

Grissom squeezed my hand before walking away. I watched him go then I went with Russell. My mind was on Grissom as I helped Russell. I wanted to see him and breathe in his scent. At the end of shift a little welcome back party was in the breakroom with the team and Grissom. I sat in the corner watching his every move. After that we all walked out together to go home. I followed behind the guys as they surrounded him talking and laughing. They scattered once outside and it was us. Grissom turned smiling at me as I stood back looking at him.

"Coming?" He asked

I walked over and he took my arm.

"You're coming home with me." He said

I let him take me to his car. He got us some take out and we sat on his couch eating. I put my half empty plate on the coffee table. I laid back touching my stomach.

"Oh, I am going to puke."

Grissom looked at me as he chewed then he ate some more garlic bread. He set down his plate then he moved to lay behind me. His arm went over my stomach.

"Anything else bothering you?"

I moved looking at him.

"No."

"Are you sure?" He asked, looking concerned.

I nodded touching his cheek. He smiled as he looked at me.

Grissom slept beside me as I laid on my side watching him in the dim light. He looked incredibly attractive when he slept. His face was relaxed. He moved his head on the pillow moving his hand up my waist then stilling. He swallowed then the deep breathing began again. I moved closer into his chest closing my eyes breathing in his scent.

When I woke up he was walking around dressed trying to be quiet. I closed my eyes again facing the couch. He walked over touching my arm gently.

"I have to go to a meeting." He said, almost in a whisper.

When I didn't move, he leaned down kissing my temple. I stayed still enjoying the moment.

"I love you." He said

His hand touched my hair then he walked away. I moved sitting up as the door closed. I yawned touching my hair. I came to work early by taxi still seeing my car parked. Brass was parking when he saw me. I jumped as he honked his horn at me then got out.

"Hey."

"Hey." I said

"How are you doing?"

"Much better." I said

"You look better. I guess I should apologize."

"No need. It's okay." I said

He touched my arm.

"Have you seen Grissom?"

"I just came in."

He walked with me inside the building seeing Grissom and Russell standing in the hallway talking. I looked at Grissom admiring him from the side. Brass gave me a little wave then he walked over joining them. I walked away not noticing Grissom looking in my direction. It was decided that I would stay with Russell's team while the other members of the team were to be split between all three.

I had my assignment later which was a solo. I walked outside carrying my case watching the other people getting in their Tahoe's driving off. Grissom came out talking to Warrick then he walked over to me.

"Becareful out there." He said, as he walked over.

"You to." I said

He looked around then he came closer.

"For luck." He said, leaning over kissing me.

He moved away smiling as I opened my eyes watching him go.

The scene I went to was terrible. A little girl and her mother died while in their car hit by a tractor trailer. I winched at the injuries sustained.

I came back to the lab feeling horrible. Russell met me as I came out the locker room.

"How was the scene?"

"Horrible." I said "Mother and daughter."

"Oh, do you want me to take it?"

"No, I got this." I said, walking away.

I worked in a lab looking at the photos of the scene. I sat back on the stool behind me feeling sick inside.

Grissom held me against him while relaxing on his couch after work. He flipped a channel with his remote finally settling on something. He looked at me then back at the TV. I was lost in thought.

"You awake?" He asked

"No." I said

"Was the scene bad?"

"Yes." I said

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed looking over at the TV then back at my hands.

"No."

He kissed my head then looked over at the TV. I laid my head against his arm sighing again. We went to bed and I could not sleep. I got up careful not to wake Grissom walking out to the bathroom. I closed the door turning on the light going to his medicine cabinet seeing prescription sleeping pills. I took some then came out of the bathroom. Grissom moved stretching around ten feeling tired still, but he had to get up. He moved over looking at me lying on my back.

"Hey, it's time to get up." He said, touching my stomach. "Sara?"

When I didn't move, he shook my arm still unable to rouse me.

"Honey, wake up."

He moved over to me touching my neck.

"Sara, can you hear me?"

He opened one of my eyes looking at it. His hand patted my cheek.

"Come on Sara." He said, before lifting me up in his arms. My head fell on his shoulder. "Sara!"

He sighed picking me up in his arms walking to the shower in the bathroom. He laid me back in the tub turning on the cold water. He knelt down watching me. I moved as if shocked by lightening. Grissom turned off the water touching my neck.

"Mmmmm." I moaned

"Wake up!" He said

I shivered not wanting to wake up. Grissom turned the cold water back on causing me to move more. He gently lifted me up so the water was on my face. Grissom watched me try to get away from it. He turned it off again helping me out. I felt a towel on me then he got me up making me stand.

"Mmmmm no!" I said

"Sara walk!"

He made me walk around. I sat on the couch still numb. Grissom sat on the coffee table with some hot coffee for me. He held the cup allowing me to drink. I swallowed watching as he set the cup aside looking at me.

"What did you take?"

"I…. took pills." I said, hearing my speech slurred.

"What pills?" He asked

"Pills in your…. cabinet."

He slowly nodded understanding.

"Sara, those are prescription. Not to be used by other people."

"Sorry." I said

He sighed looking at me.

"I am lucky to have woken you at all. I only use half a pill because they are so potent."

I closed my eyes letting my head drop some. He shook my arm making me drink some more coffee.

We made it to work. I was still groggy walking with the help of Grissom. He watched me walk down the hallway then he got his phone out.

"Russell, it's Gil."

"What's up?" Russell asked, as he sat at his desk.

"I need you to watch Sara this shift."

"Why?"

"I'll explain in your office I am headed there."

Grissom walked the opposite direction going to his old office. Later Russell walked over to the lab I was in. He found me looking at some evidence on the table. I was sitting looking pale.

"Sara, are you okay?" He asked, walking in.

"Mmhmm." I said

"Do you want help?"

I looked over at him.

"Sara, do you need help?" He repeated

"Sure."

He nodded coming in closer to the table. At break, I walked into the breakroom falling onto the couch curling up onto it."

I just wanted to sleep. I was drifting as Grissom walked in holding a bag of food. He looked at me not wanting to wake me. Catherine walked in seeing him.

"What's in the bag?" She asked

"Just something for Sara to eat. I don't want to wake her."

Catherine looked over at me.

"She needs to eat."

"True, but she needs rest more." He said "I'll just keep this till later."

She looked at him then at me.

"Gil, your slipping."

He looked at her.

"Anyone can see you have feelings for Sara."

"I don't care if anyone knows."

"Why don't you marry her?"

"I don't think we are ready yet."

"Believe me you are. You deserve to be happy." She said, touching his arm.

"I'll think about it."

"Good, now wake her up so she can eat."

Grissom watched Catherine leave the room then he looked at me again. He thought about the ring he had given Brass wondering where it was. Maybe it was time.


End file.
